life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
