i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
