saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
