All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
