He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
