Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
