i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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