I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's always time for handjobs
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
