speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
