dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
