i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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