Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
Randomize
