This is not my ceiling
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
