I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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