So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
