can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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