Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
