I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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