that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Buhtt sex?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
