I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
