dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
