I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
