no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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