and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
