I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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