im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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