This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
