The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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