handjob tips. give me some.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You left your underwear on the fireplace
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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