Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
