Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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