it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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