I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
