Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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