Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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