This is not my ceiling
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
