i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
