so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
