If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
