At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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