I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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