I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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