He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
