Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
