College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
