You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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