2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
