Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
