So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize