if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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