So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
