I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
