i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
