in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
