I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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