Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
