I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?