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Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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