Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.