totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
