do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.