omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
last night I used snow as a chaser