A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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