what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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