THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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